self care bath – Page 3

Well, Carrie smokes

Guess what?! No tears today but I did have to work very late (again) and got the call to be expected to put in hours this weekend too. So, what am I doing? Soaking, drinking, reflecting.

But let’s start with this morning. I was blaring Sheryl Crow’s “Greatest Mistake” and holy shit I think that song is about me and the dude. I almost starting laughing when I reached my coffee shop because I was shooketh. Actually speechless.

“Did you know when you go it’s the perfect ending,
To the bad day I was just beginning.
When you go, all I know is you’re my favorite mistake.”
I’m sorry, WHAT?!

Well maybe nothing lasts forever,
Even when you stay together.
I don’t need forever after, but it’s your laughter won’t let me go
So I’m holding on this way.
😭😭😭

Tonight’s walk home took me to Duane Reade since CVS failed me twice, and thank that sweet baby jesus because I got two bottles of bubble bath. I also got some Nerds chewy candy. Bath essentials for tonight.

I left Duane Reade feeling confident about the evening and as I was passing my block’s street vendor I felt my legs stop moving, my body shift, and my mouth say “pack of cigarettes, please.” Yeah, that happened.

I immediately opened the pack and lit up. Since I was so close to my building I was very soon that girl that smokes in the outside corner. You know what, it was damn necessary.

Will I smoke more? Am I going to turn into Carrie Bradshaw in AJLT and smoke in kitchen gloves, a robe, and a hair covering? Cause I did come in stinking, and I did start running the bath before my front door was even locked.

But here we are. Taking another self-care bath and I’m going to enjoy every damn second of it. Stay tuned to see if I have any more revelations today.

Tub Tracker Stats:

45 minutes and counting
One very big glass of wine deep
Eating Nerds!!! A first time for food
Bubbles AND epson salt; both lavender
Checking my email constantly for those work edits
Sweating. I made it too hot.

Tub Tracker

Frozen Rat Bag

It’s been a week around here and I’m finally in the bath reflecting. Got yelled at at work, cried, got caught crying, felt stupid. And that was just the tip of it all.

I used up all my bubble bath Sunday and now realize I need to keep a stash on hand at all times. After work I visited two stores and both were out of bubble bath, so now I’m sitting here in the tub filled with lavender epson salts. Why didn’t anyone tell me I would enjoy them so much?! My legs feel weightless and it reconfirms my need to get to a float spa ASAP. Will be making plans.

But let’s get back to my feelings. After Sunday’s breakdown (and today’s) my mind is clearly working through some things. Last night I had a weird dream. Maybe a metaphor dream?

I found a frozen mouse and befriended it’s lifeless body. I stashed him in my purse and carried him everywhere. I went on to walk in a charity 5k thingy and kept my new friend safely tucked away in my bag.

A few miles in I felt some movement. I peeked in as saw he was thawing but still motionless. Another mile closer to the finish line and he was for sure now alive. My friend!!!

It was now nighttime and I scooted away to release my friend. I knew I couldn’t keep him. We both looked at each other and he ran into the grass. Bye forever little buddy. I’ll never forget you.

Now I didn’t think much more of this dream until I was walking to work this morning and it all came rushing into my mind. Was it a metaphor maybe? For the guy from last week that has a girlfriend? The mouse was tucked in the same purse I was wearing that night. One that I love but clearly has never entered my dreams. Could it mean that we are done done? Like flirting is now over?

Ugh. I need more wine. Thankfully I brought in the bottle.

Tub tracker stats:

60 minutes and counting
Two glasses of wine so far
Chill playlist
No dating app swiping yet, but maybe?

Tub Tracker

Holiday Bath w/ Pound Town

As you know from the Single Wine Tear, I’m high and in the tub. It’s a holiday so midday bubbles on my day off? God damn beautiful.

But let’s sink in to the latest dilemma: Pound Town Todd. We matched on Tinder months ago, never met IRL, and fell out of touch due to traveling and such. Enter Friday when he messaged me out of the blue. Vibes were still good so we reconnected and by Saturday he was asking me what I was looking for on the app. Me? Anything. Pound Town Todd? Handing out tickets to Pound Town.

So after some laughs and me ultimately replying “I’m not not interested.” here we are and he’s ready to meet up. And I’m nervous and scared, reflecting in the tub.

Should I go for it?

Tub Tracker

The Setup

Each bath starts the same — bubbles and candlelight. Staples that I haven’t yet strayed from, but I’m thinking of diving into oils and bombs.

Last night a friend asked me about fragrances of the candle and bubbles mixing, and how it made me feel. And honestly, I haven’t even thought about the scents!! Amateur hour over here.

So far all candles are the same scent notes: woodsy and hot-guyesque. The bubbles are typically lavender, citrus, or soothing hemp. All which have been getting along nicely up until this point, but I need to get creative.

Other elements are always a glass of water (hydrated queen), piping hot bath water, sometimes wine, sometimes music, sometimes a face mask, and always my phone. What’s the point of a bath if you can’t zone out to TikToks when the mood strikes?

Since I’m still a novice I’d love your suggestions! What oils should I get? What’s your favorite after-care lotions? Should I broaden my candle scents? Should I get a projector so I can watch Love Is Blind? Let a girl know, she needs help. ✌️

Dating, NYC, The Hag, Tub Tracker

The Great Baths of 2022

It’s been a few years since I started this Bad Hag adventure, but it never really felt right. Now I’m in my late 30s, still single in NYC, and almost always high on edibles when not at work. The makings of a perfect story, right? So let’s do this thing.

Instead of going all the way back, let’s start fresh with 2022. In January of this year my dad passed away, work has been nonstop projects, and I just fired my therapist. So my self care? Baths. Long and often. How long and often you ask? We’ll let’s say last week I took four baths (outside of my daily shower) and two of the four lasted two hours. A heroic effort, I’d say.

The logistics are pretty simple. I’ve created a Tub Tracker in Google Sheets to track my progress, creating columns for type (Depression or Self Care), length, time of day, if I took an edible, if I brought in wine (glass or bottle), type of music, etc. But after my last 2+ hour bath I added two new columns: did I swipe on Tinder? and did I text an ex fling? Let’s just say both were yeses.

But the thing is, those columns are a great indicator of my overall mental health journey, which sparked the spreadsheet to begin with. And I’m happy to report this post is being written from the tub, bubbles still freshly intact.

So join me on this adventure of life reflections from the tub. Sad and wild entertainment to come. ✌️