depression bath – Page 2

Sad Sunday Scaries

Depression bath in full-force. Haven’t even been in for 30 minutes and I’m already over it. What a waste of the remaining bubbles.

Left the house for coffee this morning but then simply could not get out to run errands, so instead I spent an ungodly amount for a Target delivery. At this moment it was worth every penny. Pringle’s, toilet paper, and epson salt to my door? Yes, please.

As soon as the depression really crept in I realized I needed candy, so I threw on my sweatpants and headed to CVS. Got my Lexapro, a Diet Dr Pepper, and a variety of candy. Sadly, none are working this afternoon. So I’m draining the tub and going to snuggle up in bed for starting the new season of Mrs Maisel. See ya and good luck out there with the Sunday Scaries. ✌️

Tub Tracker stats:

29 mins and ending
Angsty playlist and a few Tinder swipes
Fully sober and annoyed

Frozen Rat Bag

It’s been a week around here and I’m finally in the bath reflecting. Got yelled at at work, cried, got caught crying, felt stupid. And that was just the tip of it all.

I used up all my bubble bath Sunday and now realize I need to keep a stash on hand at all times. After work I visited two stores and both were out of bubble bath, so now I’m sitting here in the tub filled with lavender epson salts. Why didn’t anyone tell me I would enjoy them so much?! My legs feel weightless and it reconfirms my need to get to a float spa ASAP. Will be making plans.

But let’s get back to my feelings. After Sunday’s breakdown (and today’s) my mind is clearly working through some things. Last night I had a weird dream. Maybe a metaphor dream?

I found a frozen mouse and befriended it’s lifeless body. I stashed him in my purse and carried him everywhere. I went on to walk in a charity 5k thingy and kept my new friend safely tucked away in my bag.

A few miles in I felt some movement. I peeked in as saw he was thawing but still motionless. Another mile closer to the finish line and he was for sure now alive. My friend!!!

It was now nighttime and I scooted away to release my friend. I knew I couldn’t keep him. We both looked at each other and he ran into the grass. Bye forever little buddy. I’ll never forget you.

Now I didn’t think much more of this dream until I was walking to work this morning and it all came rushing into my mind. Was it a metaphor maybe? For the guy from last week that has a girlfriend? The mouse was tucked in the same purse I was wearing that night. One that I love but clearly has never entered my dreams. Could it mean that we are done done? Like flirting is now over?

Ugh. I need more wine. Thankfully I brought in the bottle.

Tub tracker stats:

60 minutes and counting
Two glasses of wine so far
Chill playlist
No dating app swiping yet, but maybe?

Tub Tracker

All Time Low

Sunday morning, not even 11am, and I’m writing to you from the bath. A depression bath. Certainly a new record for me; should I be proud or worried?

Woke up with the feeling of dread due to the weight of all the projects I’ve been putting off. After lying in bed for an hour scrolling TikTok, I peeled myself from under the covers to get out and grab some coffee.

Now normally I would hit up my spot two blocks away as I have a coffee subscription and it would be free, but this morning that effort seemed like climbing a mountain. So instead I paid for Starbucks, a mere block away, and was greeted by two of the loveliest baristas imaginable. Maybe the day is turning around?

Got home, felt rejuvenated, and decided to tackle my biggest project on the list: writing thank you notes from my dad’s funeral (which was a month ago). Wrote one, was feeling good, started writing the second and could barely get through it. Pushed myself to write a third and now here we are. In the bath with my iced coffee simply unable to do a damn thing. Tears? Yep. Grief? Yep. Sadness? Yep. Motivation? Nope.

All the emotions from my week are catching up with me, too. After I got rejected from Pound Town Todd I made some not-wise choices with a guy who has a girlfriend. Now, we’ve had this flirty relationship for 6 years and this is nothing new, but making out (only the 4th time ever) and then heading to the bathroom together was fun when I was drunk and carefree. And also up until I ran into him two days later. I was sober and it just felt weird and wrong. I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but it’s just really hitting me. He assured me that he will always love and respect me, would never regret our chats (or more) and that he will stay committed to his girlfriend. Ugh. It’s just a lot. I’m a garbage person.

So now once again, here we are. In the tub at 11am with my Starbucks, no music, and just reflecting.

Tub Tracker Stats:

18 minutes and counting
Full-blown depression bath
No music, no candles, no fun
Halfway through my venti iced coffee

Tub Tracker

The Setup

Each bath starts the same — bubbles and candlelight. Staples that I haven’t yet strayed from, but I’m thinking of diving into oils and bombs.

Last night a friend asked me about fragrances of the candle and bubbles mixing, and how it made me feel. And honestly, I haven’t even thought about the scents!! Amateur hour over here.

So far all candles are the same scent notes: woodsy and hot-guyesque. The bubbles are typically lavender, citrus, or soothing hemp. All which have been getting along nicely up until this point, but I need to get creative.

Other elements are always a glass of water (hydrated queen), piping hot bath water, sometimes wine, sometimes music, sometimes a face mask, and always my phone. What’s the point of a bath if you can’t zone out to TikToks when the mood strikes?

Since I’m still a novice I’d love your suggestions! What oils should I get? What’s your favorite after-care lotions? Should I broaden my candle scents? Should I get a projector so I can watch Love Is Blind? Let a girl know, she needs help. ✌️

Dating, NYC, The Hag, Tub Tracker

The Great Baths of 2022

It’s been a few years since I started this Bad Hag adventure, but it never really felt right. Now I’m in my late 30s, still single in NYC, and almost always high on edibles when not at work. The makings of a perfect story, right? So let’s do this thing.

Instead of going all the way back, let’s start fresh with 2022. In January of this year my dad passed away, work has been nonstop projects, and I just fired my therapist. So my self care? Baths. Long and often. How long and often you ask? We’ll let’s say last week I took four baths (outside of my daily shower) and two of the four lasted two hours. A heroic effort, I’d say.

The logistics are pretty simple. I’ve created a Tub Tracker in Google Sheets to track my progress, creating columns for type (Depression or Self Care), length, time of day, if I took an edible, if I brought in wine (glass or bottle), type of music, etc. But after my last 2+ hour bath I added two new columns: did I swipe on Tinder? and did I text an ex fling? Let’s just say both were yeses.

But the thing is, those columns are a great indicator of my overall mental health journey, which sparked the spreadsheet to begin with. And I’m happy to report this post is being written from the tub, bubbles still freshly intact.

So join me on this adventure of life reflections from the tub. Sad and wild entertainment to come. ✌️