depression bath – the bad hag

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Third bath of the year. Clarification: Third depression bath of the year.

It’s been a rough start, but according to TikTok all the planets that went retrograde are coming out tomorrow??? So fingers crossed? They said I’ll be lucky in work and home …

Let me catch you up. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my dad’s death. I spent it hungover because I simply can’t control my drinking on my meds. Told me therapist about it and we’re working on it, ok!!!

Applied to get a new apartment and they are looking like they will reject me. Which really sucks. Fingers crossed she has a good heart and will encourage the building to accept me. I’ll find out tonight or tomorrow.

I’ll also find out tomorrow about that other job I’ve spent forever talking to. Pretty sure they extended an offer to someone else last week and tomorrow’s “catch up” will be to tell me that. Ugh. Fingers crossed again??

I also found out that the job I quit … the one that had me doing three full-time jobs and told me that was normal and would never change … is hiring for ONE of those roles. And the pay scale is what I BEGGED them for. BEGGED. Then got scolded and punished for doing so. It’s also the role that I told them a junior person should be doing. So yeah, paying a junior person my salary to do one of my three jobs. Fuck. Off.

Just going through it. So here I am. In the bath. Sober. Quiet. Avoiding life for the moment.

Also, fuck the tub stats tonight. ✌️

Gloom and Doom

Ugh. Second depression bath of 2023 underway. Things are all gloom around here so I’m trying to forget about it all for a moment.

Job search is blah. Apartment hunting is blah. And small fall bald dude from that holiday party messaged me Friday. Did I meet up with him? Yes. Should I have? Probably not. Was it worth the 8:30 am walk of shame in a faux-fur cropped leopard jacket? Most definitely not.

So here we are. Reflecting. Silence. Ready for therapy.

No tub stats tonight. Not feeling it. ✌️

Tub Tracker

First Bath of 2023

And it’s a depression bath!! Wooooo!

As soon as my flight landed back in NYC, I received a rejection text message from one of those jobs. Then, while walking to the taxi, my backpack strap popped off. And to top it off, I was sweating and overheating thanks to global warming. Yay!

So I’m now in the bath, very hot, and hoping it pushes this cold I feel starting out.

Brought in a cookie. Maybe year for food?

FRESH Tub Stats:

First bath of the year
20 mins and countint
Don’t feel like swiping
Don’t feel like TikTok dooms scrolling
Going to READ! New year, new me?

Tub Tracker

Desperado Depresso

New memoir title? But here I am … in the tub .. depressed once again.

Feeling really down on myself with my job search this week. Letting those intrusive thoughts win. So here I am, two glasses of wine deep in the tub.

Hoping for a better end of week?? Hopefully?

Tub Stats

45 mins but probably wrapping up
Box mac and cheese for dinner (in it’s entirety)
Two glasses of wine
No music
Just job post scrolling
No swiping

Dating, Tub Tracker

Tub Time Tuesday

Evening. Tonight’s a big ol’ depression bath. Long weekend. (And not the good kind.) Long start to the week. And long fingernails that scratched my eye.

I had a fun weekend, but too much drinking and too little quiet me-time. This weekend is my birthday, so trying to recharge before then, but honestly just want to chill and maybe eat pasta.

I also am so fed up with men lately. No new ones want me. No good old ones want me. And too many taken men do.

So yeah, Depresso City

Tub Tracker Stats

30 mins and counting
No wine, but weed
About to start swiping

Tub Tracker

Still Crampy & Cranky

Turns out, my period has decided to keep it going this weekend! Last weeks mess stopped, but today she really came back with a vengeance.

So still crampy, and still cranky. But I’m high in the tub with new menstrual relief bubble bath and definitely going to bed soon. Big and busy week at work.

Tub Stats

20 mins and counting
Very much depressed
Looking to get higher

Dating, Tub Tracker

Crampy & Cranky

Kinda confused as to what this bath is to be labeled. Self-care? Depression? Can it be both?

Feeling a little down today after a loooong few weeks of verrrrry low work days. Are things changing? Sure, but will it ever change anything? We’ll see, I guess.

So, obviously, had another marathon night of drinking and feeling all the things today. Including cramps! Wtf body, it’s no where near time for this and spotting. I haven’t bleed in almost a year but somehow today my uterus said “surprise Bitch.” 😩

So here we are, soaking in the tub high and just being. Last night I got so drunk I texted the old fling that now lives with his girlfriend. Not cool. I simply wrote “hi 🙃” but it was before 10pm. So at least that isn’t toooooo bad?! 🥴

He responded this morning and apologized for not answering sooner. I quickly apologized for texting and breaking our rules from our last convo months ago. I was doing so well!!!

He immediately wanted to know how my dating life was going and how I was. I told him dating has been blah and asked how he was. Dating his bestie still but misses having sex with other people.

I tried to divert and say it’s not all that great because I’ve had a lot of bad sex lately. He wanted details. But reader, you should applaud me because I said “no! We can’t have that type of relationship anymore!” Yay me respecting boundaries!!

The boy even wrote how his sex life was not that great (again). But you know what? Not my business. Growth, babbbbby!!

Tub Stats

67 minutes and countjng
Water and iced coffee
Definitely high
And dare I say, almost thinking this could be labeled self-care now!

Dating, Tub Tracker

Tub Times

We’re on a depression bath journey today. 🥲

Went out yesterday for a friends birthday and got far too drunk without any food. Our 3pm meetup turned in to me getting home almost 14 hours later. But like, who am I to turn down $29 bottles of rosé at happy hour?!

At some point during the night, my date from two weeks ago texted. We had a very solid first date; lots in common, he’s incredibly smart, etc etc etc. So when he texted asking how I’ve been, we somehow stumbled into meeting up.

Now, the first date’s rendezvous wasn’t all perfect. It had its moments, but ultimately fell flat between the sheets. But first time together, so maybe we just need to click, right??

Sad to say, I’m wrong. Last night was … bland. Not the worst, but certainly down there on the list.😩 Additionally, this was also my first time seeing his apartment. This man speaks 8 languages and went to TWO Ivy League schools. Two!!! So I had a lot built up in my mind as far as his living arrangements.

Readers, there were skid marks in the toilet. Crap all over the place. Kitchen worse than my depression dishes. And to top it off, an open can of pork and beans. 😐

After I saw all that, I still said “let’s do it” cause I went all the way to Brooklyn. But dear Reader, I didn’t stay all night. I simply could not.

I also let this man cuddle me. Twice!!! I do not EVER cuddle, and his were actually nice. I could see myself actually sleeping that way. And I NEVER ever had that feeling. What’s a girl to do with all this??

So here I am. Depression bath on a late Saturday afternoon, trying to pick up the pieces of yet another dating disaster.

Be well and god speed.

Tub Stats:

20 mins and counting
No music, no wine, no weed
Just me and water

Dating, Tub Tracker

The Temptation is Real

Bath night. On the cusp of depression, but labeling this one self-care as I just spent $500 on discount designer clothes. But don’t worry, my Scoop for Walmart clothes also came in today. All about that balance, baby.

Lots of disappointments from men this week on the apps. Several have mentioned meeting and halfway set plans then ultimately dropped them all. Now I’m wanting to entertain the guy (who I now know lives with his girlfriend) who texted me nonstop this week at 3:30am. He also LinkedIn requested me at the same time. Boy was desperate and now I’m like … do I text him?

I’m not going to, don’t worry. I’ll swipe away for new attention, but dammit, now I want his.

Ugh. Swiping now. See ya ✌️

Tub Tracker Stats:

24 mins and counting
Sweating again, made it too hot
Had a glass of red wine before, rosé now
No dinner 😬

Tub Tracker

Two-Timing Tub Time

Ugh. Shit’s getting real this week and I don’t like it. Bad decisions are catching up with me and work is just insane. Instead of belting out my feelings tonight, I’m just going to leave you with the tub stats. Too all up in the feels for more.

Tub Tracker Stats:

Just under an hour
Drank 3/4 bottle of wine
Ate half a bag of Cheetos
Started out with music, then ultimately shut it off
Def a depression bath

Oh, and lots of wine stains this go-around.