Happenings of a 30-something spinster living in NYC, taking baths, and (maybe) going on dates
Just wanted to report I’m high in the tub for the first time in forever. It’s bloody stunnin.’
Also, loads of updates from the apps but too high to write. You’ll hear it on my new podcast! Stay tuned!
Tub Tracker stats:
Hi, friends! Not too much craziness to report this week, but it’s only Wednesday.
Work is still wild but I’m handling it like a champ with a bottle of wine in the tub. But actually, Tinder and Hinge are looking promising this week! Few new connections so stay tuned to see how those pan out.
But let’s get to why I’m here, the chin sucker.
Now loooooong ago, I matched and met up with this dude and thought “meh, I’ll see what the second date brings.” Well, it brought chin sucking, a cheek suck, CHEEK, and more fish-like movements. In the worst way.
Now dear reader you already know your girl is hopeless and desperate. Early last year he messaged me out of the blue (after a year of no contact) and I stupidly replied … even met up.
As expected it sucked and we didn’t really meet up again. However, he does enjoy texting me randomly as he feels there is still hope. Reader, there is not.
Now he knew my dad was sick. He would always text me when I was home visiting (which was all the time) and he was well aware of the situation. In January he asked what’s going on, told him I was out of town, and he thought I was out of town scared of covid. Again. And yes, this was his initial reaction every single time I messaged saying I was away. Idiot.
I informed him it was for personal reasons and he FINALLY asked how my dad was. My response “actively dying” and he then sent sympathy. My dad died two days later.
That was January. No response after that one sympathy note and none since … until yesterday.
“Is the princess back?”
Fuck off.
It’s been a good lazy day. Started with brunch, ending with a zooted bath.
This morning we all gathered at a friend’s in Brooklyn for pancakes, tots, and heavy mimosas. I couldn’t be bothered with real clothes so I wore a sweatshirt and joggers that I have literally worn to bed. Multiple times. I also didn’t contribute anything but a playlist and my sparkling personality. 🤷🏼♀️
After we brunched and watched the Love Is Blind reunion, we decided to pack it up and head to the nearby taco bar. Can never go wrong with a taco bar, even when you’re in pajamas.
I was telling the gals about my new podcast (oh boy), my new blog (this very one!), and how I need to step up my Hinge game with a voice question prompt.
Did I decide to record the prompt in a noisy outdoor bar? Yes. Did I say the dorkiest thing about me is my clogs? Yes. Will I get any new likes? TBD.
In the midst of all of this I began chatting with a Tinder pilot. Tall, cute, seems funny and respectful. All good signs! But sadly he flies for Spirit. Clearly I’m not on the Delta level, so I guess discount airlines is my equal.
Stay tuned for clog chaos, but most likely rejections. ✌️
Tub Tracker stats:
30 minute update: very sad I didn’t bring the bottle of wine in the tub.
Guess what?! No tears today but I did have to work very late (again) and got the call to be expected to put in hours this weekend too. So, what am I doing? Soaking, drinking, reflecting.
But let’s start with this morning. I was blaring Sheryl Crow’s “Greatest Mistake” and holy shit I think that song is about me and the dude. I almost starting laughing when I reached my coffee shop because I was shooketh. Actually speechless.
“Did you know when you go it’s the perfect ending,
To the bad day I was just beginning.
When you go, all I know is you’re my favorite mistake.”
I’m sorry, WHAT?!
Well maybe nothing lasts forever,
Even when you stay together.
I don’t need forever after, but it’s your laughter won’t let me go
So I’m holding on this way.
😭😭😭
Tonight’s walk home took me to Duane Reade since CVS failed me twice, and thank that sweet baby jesus because I got two bottles of bubble bath. I also got some Nerds chewy candy. Bath essentials for tonight.
I left Duane Reade feeling confident about the evening and as I was passing my block’s street vendor I felt my legs stop moving, my body shift, and my mouth say “pack of cigarettes, please.” Yeah, that happened.
I immediately opened the pack and lit up. Since I was so close to my building I was very soon that girl that smokes in the outside corner. You know what, it was damn necessary.
Will I smoke more? Am I going to turn into Carrie Bradshaw in AJLT and smoke in kitchen gloves, a robe, and a hair covering? Cause I did come in stinking, and I did start running the bath before my front door was even locked.
But here we are. Taking another self-care bath and I’m going to enjoy every damn second of it. Stay tuned to see if I have any more revelations today.
Tub Tracker Stats:
It’s been a week around here and I’m finally in the bath reflecting. Got yelled at at work, cried, got caught crying, felt stupid. And that was just the tip of it all.
I used up all my bubble bath Sunday and now realize I need to keep a stash on hand at all times. After work I visited two stores and both were out of bubble bath, so now I’m sitting here in the tub filled with lavender epson salts. Why didn’t anyone tell me I would enjoy them so much?! My legs feel weightless and it reconfirms my need to get to a float spa ASAP. Will be making plans.
But let’s get back to my feelings. After Sunday’s breakdown (and today’s) my mind is clearly working through some things. Last night I had a weird dream. Maybe a metaphor dream?
I found a frozen mouse and befriended it’s lifeless body. I stashed him in my purse and carried him everywhere. I went on to walk in a charity 5k thingy and kept my new friend safely tucked away in my bag.
A few miles in I felt some movement. I peeked in as saw he was thawing but still motionless. Another mile closer to the finish line and he was for sure now alive. My friend!!!
It was now nighttime and I scooted away to release my friend. I knew I couldn’t keep him. We both looked at each other and he ran into the grass. Bye forever little buddy. I’ll never forget you.
Now I didn’t think much more of this dream until I was walking to work this morning and it all came rushing into my mind. Was it a metaphor maybe? For the guy from last week that has a girlfriend? The mouse was tucked in the same purse I was wearing that night. One that I love but clearly has never entered my dreams. Could it mean that we are done done? Like flirting is now over?
Ugh. I need more wine. Thankfully I brought in the bottle.
Tub tracker stats:
Sunday morning, not even 11am, and I’m writing to you from the bath. A depression bath. Certainly a new record for me; should I be proud or worried?
Woke up with the feeling of dread due to the weight of all the projects I’ve been putting off. After lying in bed for an hour scrolling TikTok, I peeled myself from under the covers to get out and grab some coffee.
Now normally I would hit up my spot two blocks away as I have a coffee subscription and it would be free, but this morning that effort seemed like climbing a mountain. So instead I paid for Starbucks, a mere block away, and was greeted by two of the loveliest baristas imaginable. Maybe the day is turning around?
Got home, felt rejuvenated, and decided to tackle my biggest project on the list: writing thank you notes from my dad’s funeral (which was a month ago). Wrote one, was feeling good, started writing the second and could barely get through it. Pushed myself to write a third and now here we are. In the bath with my iced coffee simply unable to do a damn thing. Tears? Yep. Grief? Yep. Sadness? Yep. Motivation? Nope.
All the emotions from my week are catching up with me, too. After I got rejected from Pound Town Todd I made some not-wise choices with a guy who has a girlfriend. Now, we’ve had this flirty relationship for 6 years and this is nothing new, but making out (only the 4th time ever) and then heading to the bathroom together was fun when I was drunk and carefree. And also up until I ran into him two days later. I was sober and it just felt weird and wrong. I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but it’s just really hitting me. He assured me that he will always love and respect me, would never regret our chats (or more) and that he will stay committed to his girlfriend. Ugh. It’s just a lot. I’m a garbage person.
So now once again, here we are. In the tub at 11am with my Starbucks, no music, and just reflecting.
Tub Tracker Stats:
As you know from the Single Wine Tear, I’m high and in the tub. It’s a holiday so midday bubbles on my day off? God damn beautiful.
But let’s sink in to the latest dilemma: Pound Town Todd. We matched on Tinder months ago, never met IRL, and fell out of touch due to traveling and such. Enter Friday when he messaged me out of the blue. Vibes were still good so we reconnected and by Saturday he was asking me what I was looking for on the app. Me? Anything. Pound Town Todd? Handing out tickets to Pound Town.
So after some laughs and me ultimately replying “I’m not not interested.” here we are and he’s ready to meet up. And I’m nervous and scared, reflecting in the tub.
Should I go for it?
So the other night I was enjoying some tub time, sipping on wine and singing along to Deanna Carter throwbacks. I was resting the wine between my chest, the perfect table for my glass: easy access, hands free, and stable (or so I thought).
I must have belted out Strawberry Wine a bit too intensely as the glass, obviously, tipped allowing some of the bath water to seep in. Thankfully it was practically empty so I quickly washed it out and re-filled the wine to the brim. (I’m also now learning I could be selling this dirty bath water online to men. That may be another post.)
Now I had essentially forgotten about this spilled wine. That is until just now as I went to start filling the tub for yet another bath, and behold the remnants of that evening below. A single wine tear. A sign of my times, folks. 🥲
Each bath starts the same — bubbles and candlelight. Staples that I haven’t yet strayed from, but I’m thinking of diving into oils and bombs.
Last night a friend asked me about fragrances of the candle and bubbles mixing, and how it made me feel. And honestly, I haven’t even thought about the scents!! Amateur hour over here.
So far all candles are the same scent notes: woodsy and hot-guyesque. The bubbles are typically lavender, citrus, or soothing hemp. All which have been getting along nicely up until this point, but I need to get creative.
Other elements are always a glass of water (hydrated queen), piping hot bath water, sometimes wine, sometimes music, sometimes a face mask, and always my phone. What’s the point of a bath if you can’t zone out to TikToks when the mood strikes?
Since I’m still a novice I’d love your suggestions! What oils should I get? What’s your favorite after-care lotions? Should I broaden my candle scents? Should I get a projector so I can watch Love Is Blind? Let a girl know, she needs help. ✌️
It’s been a few years since I started this Bad Hag adventure, but it never really felt right. Now I’m in my late 30s, still single in NYC, and almost always high on edibles when not at work. The makings of a perfect story, right? So let’s do this thing.
Instead of going all the way back, let’s start fresh with 2022. In January of this year my dad passed away, work has been nonstop projects, and I just fired my therapist. So my self care? Baths. Long and often. How long and often you ask? We’ll let’s say last week I took four baths (outside of my daily shower) and two of the four lasted two hours. A heroic effort, I’d say.
The logistics are pretty simple. I’ve created a Tub Tracker in Google Sheets to track my progress, creating columns for type (Depression or Self Care), length, time of day, if I took an edible, if I brought in wine (glass or bottle), type of music, etc. But after my last 2+ hour bath I added two new columns: did I swipe on Tinder? and did I text an ex fling? Let’s just say both were yeses.
But the thing is, those columns are a great indicator of my overall mental health journey, which sparked the spreadsheet to begin with. And I’m happy to report this post is being written from the tub, bubbles still freshly intact.
So join me on this adventure of life reflections from the tub. Sad and wild entertainment to come. ✌️
the bad hag 