Remember when you were in your early 20s, absolutely loving and living life to its fullest? An overwhelmingly healthy life of fun, loving your job, and then abruptly deciding to “damn the man,” pitch a fit, and quit? Ahhhh, me too! Such sweet memories! And is it weird that I think that not sarcastically?
Regardless, I had that exact moment of Déjà vu today, 20 years later. I was feeling down about my coworkers not inviting me to their after-work outings. Thinking “poor me, no one likes me” when it clicked. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I was Cat.
Cat was a cool ad exec I worked with in publishing. She’s had that stunning down-to-earth beauty that I craved. Still crave. She was fun, flirty, effortlessly funny, single and in her early 40s. I thought she had it absolutely made in life.
Absolutely crushing her job, confident in every situation and never apologizing for being authentically herself. She was single, going out on dates and coming back to the office to gossip with the ad girls. We’d giggle and admire her “bold” take on being a southern single woman over 40. It was hard, but she made it look so good. Made me realize being single was ok. Better than ok. That I could be confident and successful … and single.
I was a couple years out of college living my dream life, too. Made friends with the other single 20-something girl at the office and went out constantly after work, errands during work, coffee before work. It was great. And we almost never invited Cat out to any of it. Nor even included her in on what was happening. We loved her, sure! But she was senior level! And 40!! She just never really came up to ask.
That’s when it hit me today. I’m Cat. I’m the outsider wanting to be invited in with my 20-something coworkers. But in reality, I’m old…er. I’m an executive. I’m “the boss” regardless if I am or not.
And I think I’m ok with that fact. I’m happy, I’m successful. And yes, I’m single. But I’m also getting to know myself truly for the first time ever. And working hard on completely accepting her, loving her, and owning her as she is. I’m being gentle to her, showing gratitude. Good things to come.
xox
the bad hag 