It’s been a week and I’m finally settling in to the tub to reflect. High? Yes. Wine? You know it.
We’re making progress with the podcast, so stay tuned! Music has been selected, a few episodes have been recorded, art has been made, social secured, and we’re so close to launch!!
In the meantime, I went on a date last week. It was pretty lackluster and even he didn’t want to makeout with me. I was pulling out all the stops, even though I wasn’t attracted to him! But a makeout would have been nice, dude!! Needless to say we didn’t make plans to go forward.
Ugh. Shit’s getting real this week and I don’t like it. Bad decisions are catching up with me and work is just insane. Instead of belting out my feelings tonight, I’m just going to leave you with the tub stats. Too all up in the feels for more.
Tub Tracker Stats:
Just under an hour
Drank 3/4 bottle of wine
Ate half a bag of Cheetos
Started out with music, then ultimately shut it off
Depression bath in full-force. Haven’t even been in for 30 minutes and I’m already over it. What a waste of the remaining bubbles.
Left the house for coffee this morning but then simply could not get out to run errands, so instead I spent an ungodly amount for a Target delivery. At this moment it was worth every penny. Pringle’s, toilet paper, and epson salt to my door? Yes, please.
As soon as the depression really crept in I realized I needed candy, so I threw on my sweatpants and headed to CVS. Got my Lexapro, a Diet Dr Pepper, and a variety of candy. Sadly, none are working this afternoon. So I’m draining the tub and going to snuggle up in bed for starting the new season of Mrs Maisel. See ya and good luck out there with the Sunday Scaries. ✌️
Guess who is avoiding their responsibilities and high in the tub again?!? 🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️🙋🏼♀️
Last night my friend (who I’m making the podcast with) and I went out after recording an episode … at 10pm. Now I repeat, we met up at a wine bar. At. TEN. I really applauded us for this as we are typically in bed by then.
But alas, we are out and enjoying some drinks and talking boys, naturally. We looked super cute and dressed up for the occasion. I even pulled out my Alexander McQueen bag and DVF (faux) fur leopard jacket!! Big night.
Sad to report we met absolutely no one, but we had fun and my 38 year old body is dragging me down for staying out so late. So here we are, soaking in the tub. 😎
Tub Tracker Stats:
54 mins and counting
Water and edible
Lovey pop and fun songs from an old bachelorette playlist I made
Pumping up my friend (via text) for a first date tonight!!
Hi, friends! Not too much craziness to report this week, but it’s only Wednesday.
Work is still wild but I’m handling it like a champ with a bottle of wine in the tub. But actually, Tinder and Hinge are looking promising this week! Few new connections so stay tuned to see how those pan out.
But let’s get to why I’m here, the chin sucker.
Now loooooong ago, I matched and met up with this dude and thought “meh, I’ll see what the second date brings.” Well, it brought chin sucking, a cheek suck, CHEEK, and more fish-like movements. In the worst way.
Now dear reader you already know your girl is hopeless and desperate. Early last year he messaged me out of the blue (after a year of no contact) and I stupidly replied … even met up.
As expected it sucked and we didn’t really meet up again. However, he does enjoy texting me randomly as he feels there is still hope. Reader, there is not.
Now he knew my dad was sick. He would always text me when I was home visiting (which was all the time) and he was well aware of the situation. In January he asked what’s going on, told him I was out of town, and he thought I was out of town scared of covid. Again. And yes, this was his initial reaction every single time I messaged saying I was away. Idiot.
I informed him it was for personal reasons and he FINALLY asked how my dad was. My response “actively dying” and he then sent sympathy. My dad died two days later.
That was January. No response after that one sympathy note and none since … until yesterday.
It’s been a good lazy day. Started with brunch, ending with a zooted bath.
This morning we all gathered at a friend’s in Brooklyn for pancakes, tots, and heavy mimosas. I couldn’t be bothered with real clothes so I wore a sweatshirt and joggers that I have literally worn to bed. Multiple times. I also didn’t contribute anything but a playlist and my sparkling personality. 🤷🏼♀️
After we brunched and watched the Love Is Blind reunion, we decided to pack it up and head to the nearby taco bar. Can never go wrong with a taco bar, even when you’re in pajamas.
I was telling the gals about my new podcast (oh boy), my new blog (this very one!), and how I need to step up my Hinge game with a voice question prompt.
Did I decide to record the prompt in a noisy outdoor bar? Yes. Did I say the dorkiest thing about me is my clogs? Yes. Will I get any new likes? TBD.
In the midst of all of this I began chatting with a Tinder pilot. Tall, cute, seems funny and respectful. All good signs! But sadly he flies for Spirit. Clearly I’m not on the Delta level, so I guess discount airlines is my equal.
Stay tuned for clog chaos, but most likely rejections. ✌️
Tub Tracker stats:
45 mins and coubting
Winding down from an edible and several drinks, but biggie wine cup ready for more action
Mellow music
Keeping up the swiping!
30 minute update: very sad I didn’t bring the bottle of wine in the tub.
Guess what?! No tears today but I did have to work very late (again) and got the call to be expected to put in hours this weekend too. So, what am I doing? Soaking, drinking, reflecting.
But let’s start with this morning. I was blaring Sheryl Crow’s “Greatest Mistake” and holy shit I think that song is about me and the dude. I almost starting laughing when I reached my coffee shop because I was shooketh. Actually speechless.
“Did you know when you go it’s the perfect ending,
To the bad day I was just beginning.
When you go, all I know is you’re my favorite mistake.”
I’m sorry, WHAT?!
Well maybe nothing lasts forever,
Even when you stay together.
I don’t need forever after, but it’s your laughter won’t let me go
So I’m holding on this way.
😭😭😭
Tonight’s walk home took me to Duane Reade since CVS failed me twice, and thank that sweet baby jesus because I got two bottles of bubble bath. I also got some Nerds chewy candy. Bath essentials for tonight.
I left Duane Reade feeling confident about the evening and as I was passing my block’s street vendor I felt my legs stop moving, my body shift, and my mouth say “pack of cigarettes, please.” Yeah, that happened.
I immediately opened the pack and lit up. Since I was so close to my building I was very soon that girl that smokes in the outside corner. You know what, it was damn necessary.
Will I smoke more? Am I going to turn into Carrie Bradshaw in AJLT and smoke in kitchen gloves, a robe, and a hair covering? Cause I did come in stinking, and I did start running the bath before my front door was even locked.
But here we are. Taking another self-care bath and I’m going to enjoy every damn second of it. Stay tuned to see if I have any more revelations today.
It’s been a week around here and I’m finally in the bath reflecting. Got yelled at at work, cried, got caught crying, felt stupid. And that was just the tip of it all.
I used up all my bubble bath Sunday and now realize I need to keep a stash on hand at all times. After work I visited two stores and both were out of bubble bath, so now I’m sitting here in the tub filled with lavender epson salts. Why didn’t anyone tell me I would enjoy them so much?! My legs feel weightless and it reconfirms my need to get to a float spa ASAP. Will be making plans.
But let’s get back to my feelings. After Sunday’s breakdown (and today’s) my mind is clearly working through some things. Last night I had a weird dream. Maybe a metaphor dream?
I found a frozen mouse and befriended it’s lifeless body. I stashed him in my purse and carried him everywhere. I went on to walk in a charity 5k thingy and kept my new friend safely tucked away in my bag.
A few miles in I felt some movement. I peeked in as saw he was thawing but still motionless. Another mile closer to the finish line and he was for sure now alive. My friend!!!
It was now nighttime and I scooted away to release my friend. I knew I couldn’t keep him. We both looked at each other and he ran into the grass. Bye forever little buddy. I’ll never forget you.
Now I didn’t think much more of this dream until I was walking to work this morning and it all came rushing into my mind. Was it a metaphor maybe? For the guy from last week that has a girlfriend? The mouse was tucked in the same purse I was wearing that night. One that I love but clearly has never entered my dreams. Could it mean that we are done done? Like flirting is now over?
Ugh. I need more wine. Thankfully I brought in the bottle.
the bad hag 