Sunday morning, not even 11am, and I’m writing to you from the bath. A depression bath. Certainly a new record for me; should I be proud or worried?
Woke up with the feeling of dread due to the weight of all the projects I’ve been putting off. After lying in bed for an hour scrolling TikTok, I peeled myself from under the covers to get out and grab some coffee.
Now normally I would hit up my spot two blocks away as I have a coffee subscription and it would be free, but this morning that effort seemed like climbing a mountain. So instead I paid for Starbucks, a mere block away, and was greeted by two of the loveliest baristas imaginable. Maybe the day is turning around?
Got home, felt rejuvenated, and decided to tackle my biggest project on the list: writing thank you notes from my dad’s funeral (which was a month ago). Wrote one, was feeling good, started writing the second and could barely get through it. Pushed myself to write a third and now here we are. In the bath with my iced coffee simply unable to do a damn thing. Tears? Yep. Grief? Yep. Sadness? Yep. Motivation? Nope.
All the emotions from my week are catching up with me, too. After I got rejected from Pound Town Todd I made some not-wise choices with a guy who has a girlfriend. Now, we’ve had this flirty relationship for 6 years and this is nothing new, but making out (only the 4th time ever) and then heading to the bathroom together was fun when I was drunk and carefree. And also up until I ran into him two days later. I was sober and it just felt weird and wrong. I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but it’s just really hitting me. He assured me that he will always love and respect me, would never regret our chats (or more) and that he will stay committed to his girlfriend. Ugh. It’s just a lot. I’m a garbage person.
So now once again, here we are. In the tub at 11am with my Starbucks, no music, and just reflecting.
Tub Tracker Stats:
- 18 minutes and counting
- Full-blown depression bath
- No music, no candles, no fun
- Halfway through my venti iced coffee
the bad hag 