Month: February 2022

Tub Tracker

All Time Low

Sunday morning, not even 11am, and I’m writing to you from the bath. A depression bath. Certainly a new record for me; should I be proud or worried?

Woke up with the feeling of dread due to the weight of all the projects I’ve been putting off. After lying in bed for an hour scrolling TikTok, I peeled myself from under the covers to get out and grab some coffee.

Now normally I would hit up my spot two blocks away as I have a coffee subscription and it would be free, but this morning that effort seemed like climbing a mountain. So instead I paid for Starbucks, a mere block away, and was greeted by two of the loveliest baristas imaginable. Maybe the day is turning around?

Got home, felt rejuvenated, and decided to tackle my biggest project on the list: writing thank you notes from my dad’s funeral (which was a month ago). Wrote one, was feeling good, started writing the second and could barely get through it. Pushed myself to write a third and now here we are. In the bath with my iced coffee simply unable to do a damn thing. Tears? Yep. Grief? Yep. Sadness? Yep. Motivation? Nope.

All the emotions from my week are catching up with me, too. After I got rejected from Pound Town Todd I made some not-wise choices with a guy who has a girlfriend. Now, we’ve had this flirty relationship for 6 years and this is nothing new, but making out (only the 4th time ever) and then heading to the bathroom together was fun when I was drunk and carefree. And also up until I ran into him two days later. I was sober and it just felt weird and wrong. I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but it’s just really hitting me. He assured me that he will always love and respect me, would never regret our chats (or more) and that he will stay committed to his girlfriend. Ugh. It’s just a lot. I’m a garbage person.

So now once again, here we are. In the tub at 11am with my Starbucks, no music, and just reflecting.

Tub Tracker Stats:

  • 18 minutes and counting
  • Full-blown depression bath
  • No music, no candles, no fun
  • Halfway through my venti iced coffee

Dating

Furry Ghost Pound Town

Well, things progressed. I agreed to meet Pound Town Todd. We had some great convos (in the Tinder app) and was looking forward to a night out. But let me give you a quick play-by-play of the messages sent leading up to our date.

Him: What are you interested in sexually?
Me: I’ll tell you later, I’m not writing them out! 💁🏼‍♀️
Him: I need to know if I should prepare my furry suit.
Me: omg
Him: Lol why is NO ONE interested? I paid all this money!
Me: I can’t tell if you are joking or not. Good for that community, it just isn’t my thing.
Him: Lol You’ll just have to find out in person

So we firmed up the plans to meet the next night at 8pm. We picked a place close to my neighborhood as he wanted to make sure I felt comfortable and on my turf/terms. Good, right?

So the next day he messaged me around 5:45pm confirming he was joking about being a furry and to not worry. I wrote back confirming that we are meeting at 8pm (two hours away) and the bar’s name, closed my phone and left work to shower/shave/date prep.

I took my time getting ready, drank wine, and danced around while getting ready. At 7:30pm I checked Tinder to see if he messaged back/re-confirmed the date and y’all the boy unmatched me. Blocked. Out of sight. Straight up GONE.

Did he show my profile to his friends/roommates and they said “ew gross, ditch her”? Did he chicken out after all that talk of taking me to Pound Town? Too much pressure? Or was he simply a furry after all?

Tub Tracker

Holiday Bath w/ Pound Town

As you know from the Single Wine Tear, I’m high and in the tub. It’s a holiday so midday bubbles on my day off? God damn beautiful.

But let’s sink in to the latest dilemma: Pound Town Todd. We matched on Tinder months ago, never met IRL, and fell out of touch due to traveling and such. Enter Friday when he messaged me out of the blue. Vibes were still good so we reconnected and by Saturday he was asking me what I was looking for on the app. Me? Anything. Pound Town Todd? Handing out tickets to Pound Town.

So after some laughs and me ultimately replying “I’m not not interested.” here we are and he’s ready to meet up. And I’m nervous and scared, reflecting in the tub.

Should I go for it?

Tub Tracker

A Single Wine Tear

So the other night I was enjoying some tub time, sipping on wine and singing along to Deanna Carter throwbacks. I was resting the wine between my chest, the perfect table for my glass: easy access, hands free, and stable (or so I thought).

I must have belted out Strawberry Wine a bit too intensely as the glass, obviously, tipped allowing some of the bath water to seep in. Thankfully it was practically empty so I quickly washed it out and re-filled the wine to the brim. (I’m also now learning I could be selling this dirty bath water online to men. That may be another post.)

Now I had essentially forgotten about this spilled wine. That is until just now as I went to start filling the tub for yet another bath, and behold the remnants of that evening below. A single wine tear. A sign of my times, folks. 🥲

Tub Tracker

The Setup

Each bath starts the same — bubbles and candlelight. Staples that I haven’t yet strayed from, but I’m thinking of diving into oils and bombs.

Last night a friend asked me about fragrances of the candle and bubbles mixing, and how it made me feel. And honestly, I haven’t even thought about the scents!! Amateur hour over here.

So far all candles are the same scent notes: woodsy and hot-guyesque. The bubbles are typically lavender, citrus, or soothing hemp. All which have been getting along nicely up until this point, but I need to get creative.

Other elements are always a glass of water (hydrated queen), piping hot bath water, sometimes wine, sometimes music, sometimes a face mask, and always my phone. What’s the point of a bath if you can’t zone out to TikToks when the mood strikes?

Since I’m still a novice I’d love your suggestions! What oils should I get? What’s your favorite after-care lotions? Should I broaden my candle scents? Should I get a projector so I can watch Love Is Blind? Let a girl know, she needs help. ✌️

Dating, NYC, The Hag, Tub Tracker

The Great Baths of 2022

It’s been a few years since I started this Bad Hag adventure, but it never really felt right. Now I’m in my late 30s, still single in NYC, and almost always high on edibles when not at work. The makings of a perfect story, right? So let’s do this thing.

Instead of going all the way back, let’s start fresh with 2022. In January of this year my dad passed away, work has been nonstop projects, and I just fired my therapist. So my self care? Baths. Long and often. How long and often you ask? We’ll let’s say last week I took four baths (outside of my daily shower) and two of the four lasted two hours. A heroic effort, I’d say.

The logistics are pretty simple. I’ve created a Tub Tracker in Google Sheets to track my progress, creating columns for type (Depression or Self Care), length, time of day, if I took an edible, if I brought in wine (glass or bottle), type of music, etc. But after my last 2+ hour bath I added two new columns: did I swipe on Tinder? and did I text an ex fling? Let’s just say both were yeses.

But the thing is, those columns are a great indicator of my overall mental health journey, which sparked the spreadsheet to begin with. And I’m happy to report this post is being written from the tub, bubbles still freshly intact.

So join me on this adventure of life reflections from the tub. Sad and wild entertainment to come. ✌️